She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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