he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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