i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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