Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize