i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
