she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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