my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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