mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
