I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
