is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
