is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
