And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am naked and annoyed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
