I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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