I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
