It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
