I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We are all done wearing pants today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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