In the future we'll all be gay
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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