I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
