I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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