i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
