WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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