Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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