Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
