Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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