i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
