She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
