I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize