I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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