you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
