maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
