what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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