Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
