So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
