I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
