Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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