im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
