just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
