we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
