I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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