I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
