see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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