i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i need some magic done to my vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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