Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
