Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
