fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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