Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
