Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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