I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
