Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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