I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
