That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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