Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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