u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
