Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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