I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
