WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
