Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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