My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
