It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
