Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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