Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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