I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
