Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
