just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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