had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
