I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
