Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
