wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
