my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
