dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
