Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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