the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is Oprah even human
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
