You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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