If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
