Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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