I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
