I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
