we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
