i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
